I had my first prenatal appointment today. It was definitely a mixed experience. Bullets are in order here:

• The minute I walked into the medical building, I was, 1. overwhelmed by the smell and felt instantly nauseous, and 2. overwhelmed with emotion and felt a flood of (difficult) memories come back as I remembered my (difficult) pregnancy with Enzo, the (difficult) experience of giving birth to him, and the (difficult) post-partum period. I instantly felt flushed and was holding back tears from then on.
• I did NOT want to be in that waiting room. I don't know why I hated it so much.
• To make matters worse, the nurse had strong perfume on, which made me more nauseous than I already was. When she took my blood pressure, she said it was on the high side, which is very unusual for me. But I'm kind of wondering if it was because I was so annoyed at her for wearing that darn perfume and making me feel sick! I spoke to the doctor about it after.
• I had a good talk with the doctor, telling her both what I'm excited about and what I'm concerned about with this pregnancy. She was easy to talk to, and I told her about the difficult time I had both physically and emotionally when I was pregnant with Enzo, as well as the difficult post-partum period. She gave me a few referrals and made it clear that being open and proactive about the difficult parts for me are a good thing. I very much felt like she was on my side.
• As soon as Chris got home from work, shortly after I got home from my appointment, I burst into tears. He listened and rubbed my back. And then I felt much better. I think I've realized that if I cry once a day, either because of something actually bothering me or just because I need to cry and have something like Parenthood to help me do so, I feel better. 
• My  next appointment is in a month. But I really want to look into a homebirth in the meantime. I don't think we can afford it, but I want to at least consider it.